How to Re-Fall In Love In Marriage
How to Re-Fall In Love In Marriage
By Bradley Bennett
The feeling of love in marriage can be a tricky thing. There are seasons where it comes easily and often, but there are also seasons where the love seems to run dry.
Amanda and I believe that our feelings shouldn’t be the driving force in our marriage, but we also believe they are incredibly important. Because the process of becoming one in marriage shouldn’t be just about duty, it should also happen out of delight.
There will for sure be times in marriage where you need to act on love even when you aren’t feeling love, but I honestly believe that shouldn’t be our norm. Our default should be to operate out of both duty and delight.
We see this reality all over scripture. In Proverbs 5, the teacher shares this wisdom with the reader…
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” ~Proverbs 5:18
This verse is not for men alone. In marriage, your spouse should be a cause for rejoicing and delight.
Refalling In Love In Your Marriage
I remember the moment I first fell in love with Amanda. The world seemed brighter, the future happier, my burdens felt lighter, and every love song on the radio finally made sense.
Falling in love is a beautiful thing. And I believe it’s a beautiful gift that God desires you to experience over the course of your union with your spouse. It’s not only something for young marrieds during their honeymoon phase.
You see, falling in love with your spouse is the act of finding delight and rejoicing in them. That is what the teacher in proverbs is calling the reader to experience.
When the teacher says the wife of your youth, they don’t mean to only rejoice in your spouse when they are young or your marriage is new. The teacher is calling for you to once again find delight with the person you have been with since your youth.
The teacher is calling you to re-fall in love with your spouse. And understanding how to do this practically can be one of the most transformative things in your marriage.
I love the way this quote by Mignon McLuaghlin puts it into perspective…
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
Marriage starts with falling in love, but it’s sustained by re-falling in love over the course of your life-time. Or as the teacher in proverbs puts it, by rejoicing in the spouse of your youth.
So, how do you do this intentionally? How do you re-fall in love if it feels like the well of love has run dry?
Here are 3 quick suggestions to help you get thinking…
1. Slow Down The Schedule
Our world is so incredibly busy. If you’re like me, then there have been times in your life where you find yourself waking up with the exhausting reality that you have more to-do than you can get “to-done”.
Take the kids to school, finish up that report for work, cook that dinner, visit those in-laws, go to that event, moonlight as my kids chauffeur everywhere, and then maybe sleep a little bit.
I apologize for any anxiety you may have suffered while reading that!
Living life like this leads us to be in a constant state of hurry. Going from place to place in a frantic state in order to try and keep up with our overwhelming schedule.
But here’s the thing. Nothing will prevent you from re-falling in love with your spouse more than living a life of hurry.
Why? Because hurry kills love.
Just think about it. When you are in a hurry, are you considering how to be loving or how to nurture love? No! The main objective when hurrying is to just get the task accomplished whatever the cost.
Often, the first step in re-falling in love with your spouse starts by slowing down the schedule and learning to live a non-hurried life.
If you want to read more on how to do this, we have another article on cultivating margin here.
2. Seek Alone Time Together
Once you’ve slowed down the schedule, begin to prioritize spending time together. Preferably alone time where you can just focus on one another.
The main thing is being intentional to create space for your relationship to grow and flourish. Find a way of connecting and enjoying one another’s presence. Build your friendship, have fun, laugh together, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Prioritize it. Because what’s prioritized will grow. Create the space and bounds for your love to grow and flourish.
If you want to read more on doing this, read our article on quick tips for great date nights!
3. Share Your Hearts With Each Other
We fall in love with someone for many reasons, but one of the biggest is that we feel connected to them intimately. A consistent feeling of intimacy and closeness with your spouse will make re-falling in love immensely easier.
But this once again requires intentionality because both you and your spouse are growing, changing, and developing. Who you are today is not who you will be 5 years from now, and the same will be true with your spouse.
Things change, and in marriage, we have to grow in our skillset to share our hearts openly and vulnerably with each other. Otherwise we will change and find that we don’t know each other anymore.
Amanda and I have found that having a consistent rhythm of communication around specific conversations has helped us do this and rediscover one another day-by-day.
If you want to learn more about those conversations, we’ve written about them in this article.
Rejoice And Delight In Your Spouse Once Again
Your spouse is a wonderful gift. Our God desires that you would find rejoicing and delight in them. And that this delight in one another would pull you closer together as you become one and live out the call on your marriage.
Don’t allow your marriage to continue on in a rut. Our God of all love and joy has designed it for so much more than that! Choose intentionality and take the steps to re-fall in love with your spouse and delight in them.
May His blessings and peace be upon your union.