Quick Tips For Great Date Nights After Saying, “I Do”
Quick Tips For Great Date Nights After Saying, "I Do"
By Bradley Bennett
Going on a date is an important part of our relationship when we are single, but what about when we get married? Is it something we need to continue to do?
YES!
It looks different after you say, “I Do”, but dating never stops being important. I would even go as far as to say that it’s even more important after all the wedding bells.
As my dad would always say to me growing up, “Brad – When you get married, never stop dating your wife!”
The Purpose Of A Date When Married
Pursuing our spouse doesn’t stop just because we got someone to marry us. A thriving marriage is built on both spouses committing to winning each other’s heart every day for the rest of their lives.
I once heard a story of a wife who asked her husband why he hadn’t told her that he loved her in over 5 years. He replied by saying, “I already told you I loved you back then. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”
Don’t be that guy! Let your spouse know you love them regularly!
One of the primary ways we can do this is by continuing to date our spouse. A good date night gives us the opportunity to pursue them and invest time into building our friendship.
Dating has done more for our marriage than many other habits! But it needs to be done well, there’s a difference between going out to eat and going on a date. Our hope for you is that you would feel equipped and empowered to do the latter and not just the former.
Ready to dive into what makes a great date night? Let’s get started!
Great Date Nights Are Scheduled
Learning to date well in marriage starts with intentionality.
Date night should go down on the schedule first. Get them settled first and let everything else fill in around them.
I can tell you when I will be having a date night for the next 52 weeks. It’s in my phone as an appointment and set to repeat every week for the rest of my life!
You may think this sounds “unromantic” but I would argue it’s actually the most romantic thing we can do.
If someone asks me to do something at that time, I let them know I’ve got a super important appointment. They don’t know with who, but I do. It’s the most important appointment of my week – time with my wife!
There’s this myth going around that true romantic love is spontaneous. That it “should just happen.”
That may look good in the movies but it’s a terrible plan for dating well in marriage. You see, failing to plan really means you are just planning to fail. Life gets busy and if we don’t schedule out time for a date night, it will never happen.
This is why date night goes on the schedule first! Make it a priority to say, “yes” to each other and “no” to other obligations. At the end of the day, that obligation will not be around in 25 years, but your spouse will be.
Great Date Nights Are Fun
I love having fun with Amanda.
My favorite memories with her come from date nights. Times where we are blasting music in the car, singing along to some of our old-school favorites from middle school or making each other laugh so hard in a restaurant that everyone around us thought we were crazy.
One of the best compliments I can give Amanda is that she is my best friend. There is no one I would rather spend time with.
Building this friendship requires regular time where we are just having fun together. Making each other laugh, letting our guard down, being goofy, and making memories! It’s not only a good time but extremely healthy for our marriage.
Research shows that marriages where both spouses say their spouse is their “best-friend” experience significantly increased benefits from the marriage!
That type of friendship cannot blossom in marriage without fun. It’s as important as breathing is to living.
When we take the friendship and fun out of marriage it becomes a business relationship. And trust me, it makes for a terrible business relationship.
So, take time to be fun and let the real you shine through. Crack a joke. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Let your spouse see the fun-loving side of you!
Try and avoid getting stuck into routines. Just because the date night is scheduled doesn’t mean you can’t be spontaneous with what you do! Find things you haven’t done before or are just outside your comfort zone.
Great Date Nights Are Intimate
How often do we actually get the time to talk with our spouse, see how they are doing, and be intimate? A date night is a perfect time to connect physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
On each of our dates, Amanda and I will try to connect emotionally by asking each other how we really are doing. We ask intentional questions that require honest answers.
We’ve shared four of these questions here in another post.
We also know that (unless there is a known reason) the night won’t end without us connecting physically as well. This has done wonders for us since it gives us a regular time each week that we have carved out to really spend time with each other.
This regular time together is crucial. As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:5a, “Do not deprive each other, except by mutual understanding for a time…”
Lastly, we will share with each other what God has been showing us spiritually. We will take time to pray and seek him together. This was weird for us at first but is now one of the things I look forward to most.
There is something special about praying with Amanda and I believe there is real power behind it. If you don’t know how that looks practically, here is a great article from Fierce Marriage that explains it really well!
Great Date Nights Budgeted
Finances are one of the leading reasons for divorce. If we aren’t careful, how much we spend on date night can hurt us more than it helps.
Amanda and I have found that putting our date nights into our budget has helped us enjoy them even more. We don’t feel restricted, instead, we feel freed up to invest what we have budgeted for our marriage.
Over the long-term, keeping date nights within your budget will allow you to continue doing them regularly.
If you go out and spend lavishly on one date night, then you may not have anything left to go out for the rest of the month. This will not only prevent you from having that time to connect but will also cause some stress as you try to navigate the financial situation.
This budget doesn’t have to be large, either. We have friends who budget $40 a month for date nights and have a blast! The key here isn’t that you have a “large” budget, but that you are both in agreement over what you can spend.
Have A “Perfect” Date This Week
What would your marriage look like if you were able to pursue each other by dating well?
Learning how to date each other within marriage has been nothing short of magical for us. We feel more connected, loved, and known. Our hope is that, as you learn to date each other well, you would feel the same.
I view date nights with Amanda like a “refueling” for our marriage. We fill each other up with encouragement, love, and connection so we can go tackle the week together!
I hope you don’t simply read this and make no changes in how you pursue your spouse.. Plan a date night with your spouse within the next week and try to hit all these different points. I believe that you will experience something magical.
You’ll feel closer, more in love, and even more excited for the next one!