The 4 Types of Friends That Are Good For Your Marriage
The 4 Types of Friends That Are Good For Your Marriage
By Bradley Bennett
Friends are a divine blessing from God. Your friends play an integral role in your life and have a huge influence on how you develop. Whether for the good or the bad.
One of the most important lessons I’ve had to learn in the past few years with Amanda is that my friendships affect my marriage. The people I allow around me influence the type of husband I will be in major ways.
Because of this, I’ve begun desiring friendships that are good for my marriage and push Amanda and me closer together, instead of pulling us apart.
We Become Like Those We Are Around The Most
We often become like those we hang around with the most. This is a simple, but profound truth that can have a huge impact on your marriage.
Proximity determines influence. Those we allow close to us through relationship have a strong influence in our lives. This influence is incredibly powerful and requires us to use wisdom in who we allow to wield it.
As it says in 1 Corinthians 15:33,
“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
God’s word is extremely clear on this point. We must be intentional with our friendships. This doesn’t mean that we refuse to do life with others who are struggling. We need to have friends in different walks of life, that’s a good thing.
We should never end a relationship simply because we don’t agree on everything someone says, but we must be intentional with who we allow close access to our lives.
The bottom line is that we can’t allow any relationship to HARM our marriage. That’s our first priority.
We must be intentional to look for friends who are good company and will call us to a higher place and strengthen our marriage.
Here are 4 types of friends that have been a huge blessing to not only me but my marriage.
The Friend That Always Speaks Well Of Their Spouse
I have very few things that will instantly turn me off towards someone, but hearing them speak badly of their spouse is one of them. We should be our spouse’s biggest cheerleader, not their biggest critic.
Publicly bashing your spouse is one of the most disrespectful things we can do. It’s something Amanda and I have promised to never do to each other. Even if we are in a disagreement, I would never say anything be the best about her to others.
Whether we know it’s happening or not, we will begin to pick up the behaviors of those we allow close to us. Why would I allow someone close who constantly does something I have vowed to never do?
Instead, I would rather invite others into close proximity who are speaking well of their spouse. That’s the behavior I want in my life!
By choosing to do life with others who speak well of their spouse, I am reinforcing this behavior in my own life.
The Friend That Always Speaks Well Of My Spouse
The second thing that will instantly turn me off to someone is if they speak badly about Amanda. I’m not a fighter by any means, I like to think I’m a nice guy, but I will go to battle if someone is speaking against my bride. There will be issues.
This makes it a no brainer for me. I refuse to hang out with someone that speaks badly of my spouse.
You see, you and your spouse are one. When someone speaks negatively about your spouse, they are speaking negatively about a part of you. The most important part of you.
Your spouse is one of the most amazing blessings in your life. But life can get hard sometimes and it’s easy for us to take them for granted. In these moments, you will want friends who will remind you just how awesome your spouse is.
Instead of piling on and speaking negatively about your spouse, they will act as a course correction and help you see the truth.
The Friend That Always Pushes Me Closer To My Family
Your family is your number 1 priority, and you should have friends that reinforce that, not challenge it. No matter how good your time management skills are, there will always be a tension in how you spend your time. There’s only so many hours in the day to care for your family and nurture your friendships.
You need to have friends, but you also have to put your family first. There will be times when life gets hectic and you can’t do both well.
The last thing you need is a friend that makes you feel guilty for choosing your family over them. That’s never a healthy expectation our friends should have. You need friends that will stick with you and point you towards investing in your family first.
We should always spend time with our friends, that’s healthy. But that should never come at the expense of our families. Having friends who will help you navigate that tension well and find a healthy balance is a Godsend.
In moments where your time is limited, you will be incredibly thankful for them.
The Friend Who Loves God’s Design For Marriage
God’s design for marriage is a beautiful thing. The covenant union between husband and wife is among the biggest blessings God has given His people, but that doesn’t mean it is without its difficulties. There will be tough seasons ahead for any married couple.
When these seasons come, I want friends who can point me back towards the beauty of marriage. I desire to be surrounded by people who will help me uphold my covenant before encouraging me to abandon it.
We all know people who have been through a rough breakup or divorce. For some, this can cause them to become jaded towards the things of marriage. While we should always be there for a friend that is going through a heartbreaking time like this, we need to be careful that our conversations don’t become anti-marriage.
Our friends can play a crucial role when the marital waters are choppy. Will they remind us of the wonder and beauty of marriage even when it’s tough?
Or will they speak badly of marriage, point to why it often doesn’t work, and talk glowingly about the wonders of the single life?
For my marriage, I desire friends that will point me towards God’s design for marriage.
Allow Access To Friends That Strengthen Your Union
One of the healthiest things you can do for your marriage is to be intentional about who you allow into close friendship. These decisions have a ton of impact.
The closer people are to us, the greater their influence is in our lives.
My hope for you is that you would have a wonderful, fulfilling, and God-honoring marriage. Choose friends that want for you too. Be intentional with your friendships and allow access to those that are GOOD for your marriage.