The Beauty of Contentment In Every Season of Marriage
The Beauty of Contentment In Every Season of Marriage
By Amanda Bennett
The other day, a friend shared with me that he and his girlfriend were celebrating their one-year “dating” anniversary. I’m a complete romance-dork, so I love this type of stuff and instantly became way too giddy and excited for them. And like every other normal person, I began asking the normal barrage questions to figure out how they were going to celebrate.
As my friend was telling me, however, I could clearly see that he wasn’t very excited about this milestone. It almost felt like I was more excited than he was and it made me sad!
An anniversary like this is supposed to be a celebration. I remember my first anniversary with Brad and it was amazing. We had a wonderful dinner, ate ice cream, and it was the first time we said, “I love you”!
So why wouldn’t my friend be excited about this milestone in their relationship?
As I dug deeper, my friend shared that the relationship had changed over the past year. What had once been fun, new, and exciting was feeling beginning to feel routine and stale.
My friend kept telling me that it felt like their relationship had peaked. They had already experienced many of the “firsts” of dating and all that was left was the nitty, gritty of being in a relationship.
As he was talking, I knew exactly what was going on. Their relationship was moving into a new season. They were moving out of the puppy-love stage and my friend was discontent with the season they were about to move into.
As I meditated on this conversation later that day, I realized that this discontentment isn’t something unique to my friend and his dating life. In marriage, we move from season to season. Some of which are more fun than others.
What happens when we find ourselves feeling like my friend? Ultimately discontent with the season our marriage is currently in or moving towards?
Discontentment In Marriage
I wish I could say that I have enjoyed every season that our marriage has gone through more than the one before it, but that would be a lie. As any married couple knows, there are some seasons you enjoy more than others.
This reality can be scary. One of my biggest fears is getting stuck in a ‘rut season’, and becoming ‘that old couple’ who wakes up, goes to work, comes home, eats dinner, watches TV then goes to bed. Over, and over again.
There have been times when life has gotten hectic and we’ve found ourselves in a season that’s more routine than others. Out of necessity, we’ve had to be more disciplined with our time and money. Seasons like this poke at my fear and can leave me feeling discontent in my marriage.
For you, it may be that you absolutely love the season you are in and are terrified of moving into a different one that you may not like as much. Maybe you are like my friend and fear leaving the honeymoon stage.
When we find ourselves in these seasons that are different than we’ve hoped for, it can leave us overwhelmed in discontentment. This discontentment can suck the joy out of us and leave us like my friend who had some great things happening his their relationship but completely missing it.
While not every season can be as fun or enjoyable others, that doesn’t mean there aren’t good things within every season. The key to seeing these good things, and loving your marriage in any season, lies in the beauty of contentment.
Contentment In Any Season Of A Relationship
I remember when Brad and I first got married. We were so excited and it felt like nothing could bring us down. As time went on, life just seemed to become more and more hectic and overwhelming.
Before long, we realized that we were in a season where a lot was expected from us. We were not able to do many of the things we had done as a freshly married couple after the honeymoon.
In fact, the season we were going through looked something like a ‘rut season’ I feared so much. The season of life we were in meant that there was less time for us to do the things we wanted to.
At first, this caused me to feel discontent, I didn’t want to become that couple! I wanted us to be able to take trips and be spontaneous like we had been before.
But then I had a crazy thought… Maybe it’s okay. Maybe God is doing something in this season, too.
I’m not saying that we should simply sit back and let our marriage drift without any work on our part. We should always be working to improve our marriage and grow closer to our spouse. But sometimes there are life-circumstances that happen and put us in a season that’s out of our control.
Maybe work situations have changed and you don’t get to see your spouse as much. Or maybe there is something medically happening that has shifted the dynamics of your relationship. Perhaps you are at the tail-end of the newlywed season and finding that marriage is harder than you thought.
When things like this happen, the only thing we can control is how we respond and operate in the middle of them.
What if in these seasons, when things are out of our control, we could learn to be content and give control over to God? Choosing to look with His eyes and see the blessings in the season, even when it’s hard?
There is complete beauty, and freedom, in this type of contentment.
Being Content By Throwing Out Comparison
One of the biggest struggles in choosing to be content in a difficult season for me was the comparison trap.
In today’s world, it’s so easy to compare ourselves to others. We look at pictures online and instantly think, “Dang, they look so happy! Why don’t I have any pictures in Costa Rica where we are that happy?”
Any and all of these comparison thoughts derail contentment in our lives and make us feel like our marriage is lacking.
We have to stop this. We have to stop comparing our beautiful, messy, average moments with someone else’s picture-perfect highlight reel. All it does is leaving us with the thought that our relationship doesn’t measure up.
Contentment Is A Choice That Leads To Greater Love
Contentment is not based on feelings, but on choice and commitment.
You may be in a season where work is busy and you are exhausted, so it’s hard to find time for each other. If you are discontent with this current season, you will find it hard to actively engage with and show love to your spouse when they need it.
But if you choose to be content in this season and look for the good, then you will find it easier to cherish the moments you get to spend with and love your spouse.
Contentment is a choice. It’s a choice to get out of the rut caused by discontentment and find ways to fully engage and enjoy where you are, no matter how small.
One of my favorite quotes is, “If it’s important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” It’s important to me to cherish my marriage. To love doing life with Bradley. The way I’ve found to do this is by seeking contentment in whatever season we find ourselves in.
My hope is that you would cherish your marriage, too. You see, there is a beautiful freedom in contentment when a season in our marriage is out of our control. You begin to cherish what you have even more and before long you may find the current season you are in isn’t so bad after all.