How To Destroy Your Marriage With Your Words (Part 1: The Roots)
How To Destroy Your Marriage With Your Words (Part 1: The Roots)
By Amanda Bennett
Words are powerful. They are so powerful that God created man by using words and speaking the world into existence.
Your words are powerful, too. They have the power to create a deeper love within your marriage or undermine and ultimately destroy it.
If we are willing to speak love and grace and truth into our marriage we will reap the benefits. But if we don’t choose to use our words wisely, we will see the effects penetrate our marriage and slowly tear it down.
Words can build up, and they can destroy. In this series, Bradley and I will be sharing four ways your words can be used negatively to destroy your marriage.
We will take a look at why those words are some damaging, what causes us to say them, and how God wants to redeem them.
As you journey with us on this series, I want to ask a simple question… How are you using your words?
Find the Root
Have you ever said something and immediately regretted it? You didn’t even know where the words came from, but before you know it, they were out of your mouth and you couldn’t take them back?
The words we say are ALWAYS rooted in the condition of our heart. What comes out of our mouths is from the overflow of what is going on in our heart. Redeeming our words for good requires us to understand the heart condition that negative words are rooted in.
We have to start there first. Biblical authors knew this and remind us in passages like Luke 6:45.
“A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” ~ Luke 6:45
If our heart is full of hurt, guilt, or shame, then we will speak words rooted in those negative emotions. If we have wounds that have not been dealt with, we are going to speak from a place of hurt, not healing.
At the end of the day, hurt people hurt people.
The first step in destroying your marriage with your words doesn’t have anything to do with your words. Instead, it has everything to do with your heart.
Your Words And Your Marriage
When we allow our heart to remain hurt in marriage, we will use our words to ‘get back at’ or hurt our spouse. It may feel right or deserved at the moment, but that’s simply because we are operating from a place of hurt.
The long term effect of using our words like this in marriage is never good.
Instead of being driven by the words of our past we should be steered by God’s calling on our life for the future. God calls us to live life in abundance, and that includes marriage!
In order to live in a marriage that’s abundantly overflowing in love, you have to use your words correctly. This means seeking healing in your heart for critical hurts that can be the root cause of negative words.
One of the primary ways to do this is by regularly meditating on God’s word and allowing Him to renew your heart and mind.
As you continue to spend time in His presence, He will begin to heal your heart. And this healing is necessary in order to control the tongue. As it says is the proverbs
“Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
How To Guard Your Heart
This quickest way to destroy your marriage with your words is to leave your heart completely unguarded. To allow it to remain hurt and never be renewed through the cleansing power of God’s word and presence.
So how do we go about guarding our heart? Here are some practical ideas.
Do Some Digging.
Take some time and examine the condition of your heart. Is there bitterness, unforgiveness, pride, or other types of hurt that haven’t been addressed?
Be Honest.
Be open about how you feel. Open up to someone you trust (hopefully your spouse!) about some of the hurt you are feeling. Let them know what you are working through. If needed, consider getting professional help as you process through something really hard.
Give It To God.
Giving something to God means giving up control of the outcome. It means desiring God’s command over your own desires. Giving your hurt to Him means submitting it to His will. That may mean walking in forgiveness, humbling yourself, or letting go of bitterness, simply because that’s what He asked you to do.
Healed People Heal People
Your words are powerful. They can heal your marriage or they can hurt it.
If we use our words to speak life, truth, and love into our marriage we will all reap the benefits. But if we choose to use our words to speak death, we will ultimately destroy our marriage.
The difference in how we use our words is always rooted in the condition of our heart. Hurt people will hurt people, but healed people will heal people. From the overflow of your heart, whether hurt or healed, you will speak.
Guard your heart and continually allow God to renew it through His healing. It may not be immediate, but you’ll begin to see your words change as your heart more naturally overflows with grace, love, and truth.
So, let me ask you. How are you going to use your words today?