Supporting Your Spouse Through Hard Times (Part 2, Your Actions)
Supporting Your Spouse Through Hard Times (Part 2, Your Actions)
By Amanda Bennett
It may be “cliche’”, but actions truly do speak louder than words. We learn this principle at a young age and it’s something we should always carry with us, especially into marriage
In the first part of this series, Bradley shared how you can support your spouse with your words, and I encourage you to read that post if you haven’t. Words of encouragement are great when your spouse is going through a hard time. However, your actions can often do even more to give them the strength they need to conquer.
Sometimes it’s the walking together step by step that keeps them going.
Saying “I Love You” Without Saying A Word
As Bradley mentioned in his post, I’ve been having a pretty hard time at work recently. During this season, Brad has been a huge support through not only his words of encouragement but also through his actions.
He is always my biggest cheerleader. I know I can always lean on him to give me a pep talk or a word of encouragement when I need it. However, there have been several times he’s encouraged me without even saying a word.
Rough patches happen. How we choose to act during these times, especially in marriage is a game changer. When one of these rough patches comes for your spouse, it’s critical that you don’t rely solely on your words to encourage them, but also show big love through your actions.
Below are three ways we’re learning to show big love to each other through our actions and give support when hard times come.
#1: Getting Level and Congruent
I’m an external processor and usually think through things as I talk it out. Doing this is generally how I solve problems I’m facing or come up with new ideas for things.
Brad is my go-to person to help me process things when I’m going through things. Knowing I always have him there as someone who will listen to me is a huge blessing.
There is a big difference, however, from talking things through while Brad is multitasking doing another task and when I have his full undivided attention. A simple action that Bradley usually takes to support me when I need to talk is something called “Getting Level and Congruent.”
“Getting Level and Congruent” means that we are both sitting down, eye level to each other, with our shoulders squared up and using active listening. When he does this, Bradley is showing me that he truly values me and cares about what I am saying above other distractions.
He isn’t absent-mindedly saying, “yeah, yeah, yeah”. Instead, he’s showing me that I am not just one thing on his mind but I am the only thing on his mind. This simple action helps me feel that he empathizes with me and is there for me.
#2: Lighten Their Load
It’s easy for a hard season to consume a ton of my emotional energy, time, and mental margin. When these areas begin to get consumed, it can make the rest of my responsibilities feel like a heavier load than usual.
Brad show’s me a ton of support by helping me with my other responsibilities and “lightening my load”.
He usually does this by preemptively helping with chores and other responsibilities around the house. I know that he can’t personally help me through a situation I am going through, but I know that he is helping me in the best way that he can.
Being able to come home from work and not have to start cooking dinner because it is already started is such a relief. It shows me that cares, understands, and empathizes that I’m going through something that is sucking out more of my energy than usual.
The key to this action of support is that it’s preemptive and he does it without me even having to ask. It shows that he is paying attention to my needs and is wanting to meet them with love. By choosing to do simple chores like fold the laundry, or go do the groceries, Bradley shows that he’s supporting me.
#3: Help Them Have Fun
It can be hard not to wallow in your situation and let it overwhelm you. I’ve experienced this during this past season, but something Bradley has helped me do is remember to have fun despite it.
In the middle of trying times, having a distraction that takes me away from the craziness has helped me gain strength and come back to tackle it later. Creating plans for your spouse that they can look forward to can help them have a bright spot in their week or day.
One way Brad has demonstrated this in our marriage is by planning date nights. This gives me something to look forward to at the end of each week. Best of all, I don’t have to do the planning! He sets it up and allows me to simply enjoy the time out together.
Another way to keep things fun is by scheduling time to hang out with friends. Our friends play such an important role in our lives, and yet I’ve found it’s so easy to isolate from them when things get hard.
When Brad coordinates plans with our friends, he is investing in my overall emotional health. He knows that I may need to unwind and take a step away from a hard time by having some good quality time with good quality people.
I truly believe that we are at our best when we are having fun. Don’t let a hard season overwhelm your spouse and let them get isolated. Invest in them and help them smile by providing opportunities for them to forget about things for a moment.
Your Actions Speak Louder
Our words can say a lot, but our actions will always say more.
These three actions have helped us say “I love you” as loudly as possible to each other. Without having to even ay a word, these actions have helped us support each other and give strength when needed.
My hope is that you would aim to say, “I love you” with your actions, too. Some of these ideas may not work for everyone. I encourage you to find what your spouse enjoys and needs in their current season. Take the time to support them in all ways and then back it up with your everyday actions.