What My Wife Has Taught Me About Love
What My Wife Has Taught Me About Love
By Bradley Bennett
A few months ago I realized I had begun to take my wife, Amanda, for granted. When I realized this, it broke my heart.
You see… Besides Jesus, Amanda is the single greatest blessing in my life and I never want to take her for granted. In order to get out of this funk, I decided to intentionally make note of things I was thankful for about her.
One of the things I quickly noticed were the lessons Amanda was regularly teaching me about how to love. She never taught me these lessons with a lecture, but instead, through the ways she loved me and those around her on a daily basis.
When I looked back on it, I realized she’s taught me so many valuable lessons. I don’t have enough time or space to write them all, but I want to share with you the ones I’ve found the most impactful.
I hope you find these lessons as valuable as I have.
Loving Someone Doesn’t Mean Always Liking Them
So… here’s a fun fact for you. I do things all the time that Amanda doesn’t like.
Find new and interesting ways to be annoying? Check.
Be selfish and do things that end up hurting her? Check.
If I’m honest, there are plenty of times I’ve been “unlikeable”. Despite that, Amanda has never once stopped “loving” me.
This doesn’t mean she condones my behavior or lets it slide.
Trust me – she has no problem letting me know I’m being a jerk or I’ve done something that upset her. We address it, but she doesn’t let it stand in the way of being a loving spouse.
You see…. She’s taught me that just because you don’t like someone at the moment, doesn’t mean you stop loving them.
This is because “like” and “love” are two different things. Here is what separates them:
- Love is an action based on covenant and commitment
- Liking someone is an emotion based on how we’re feeling
This is important to grasp because it’s so easy to smoosh them together and call it a day. If someone is upsetting you then why should you give sacrificially? Why should you still treat them with respect?
It takes an emotionally mature person to love when the feelings aren’t there.
The moments Amanda chooses to love me despite not being my biggest fan speak volumes to me.
Knowing that she will be by my side at the end of the day gives me comfort. It brings the safety into our marriage that allows me to be authentic. It allows us to build intimacy and be real with each other.
I don’t feel like I have to be “perfect” or that our marriage is one mistake away from the ledge.
Forgive Quickly and Don’t Keep Score
Amanda continually amazes me with her capacity for forgiveness and second chances. She’s completely authentic with her forgiveness and doesn’t keep score.
I can count on two fingers the number of times I’ve seen her dwell on something for long.
I have a bad habit of saying I will do something, like a chore, and then not following through with it. This annoys Amanda to no end.
Despite this, she doesn’t let it make her bitter. She lets me know, quite frankly, how it makes her feel and then moves on.
Whenever I think about this aspect of her character, I go back to a quote she has up in our room. “Happiness is not about seeking out the sunshine, but choosing to dance in the rain.”
Our spouse at some point is going to cause us pain in some way. We’re all human and we can’t control that. Amanda has taught me that what we can control is how we respond.
We can choose to hold onto unforgiveness or we can choose to forgive and live in love. One leads to pent-up anger and frustration while the other allows us to love our spouses unhindered.
I personally struggle with this one. It’s easy for me to hold on to unforgiveness, but I can tell you from personal experience that it doesn’t bring anything positive into your life.
Amanda shows me daily to forgive and choose happiness… even if it’s raining.
We Make Sacrifices To Bless Those We Love
It didn’t take long for me to learn that Amanda will jump through rings of fire for people she loves… Mainly because she does it for me all the time!
Amanda has led by example in this area for as long as I’ve known her. It doesn’t matter if it’s an inconvenience. If someone we love is in need or has a big moment, we’re there.
This is something that doesn’t come naturally to me… It’s hard for me to get out of my own world sometimes and prioritize others needs before my own.
Ever since marrying Amanda, it’s not even a question.
Is someone we love in need?
We’re there.
It’s that simple. There’s no thinking about it. We’re going to make a sacrifice to help them out in some way.
In our family budget, she’s made it a point that we intentionally budget above and beyond our normal giving to be a blessing to others. This is money we could use for any number of other “fun” things.
But it wasn’t a question. We’re going to make a sacrifice to be there for others.
Many of our friends can speak to just how selfless Amanda is with her time, attention, and resources.
For the past year and a half, I’ve watched her display a level of self-sacrifice for others that has inspired me. She’s helped me learn to be a better friend, son, and husband by being more generous.
Conclusion
It’s no secret that Amanda is the better half of our relationship. Anyone who spends time with us will come to that conclusion very quickly. She loves so naturally. I find myself learning something new from her on an almost daily basis.
I want to encourage you to see the beautiful gift your spouse is to you. They are a unique person that God has gifted in so many ways. Don’t take them for granted.
Approach your marriage with a student-like mindset and choose to learn about their uniqueness. You’ll not only learn a few things, but you’ll begin to become so thankful for the amazing person they are. You’ll see the things you may have taken for granted in a new light.
You may, like me, find that your spouse is actually your role model and teaching you how to become a better person, friend, and spouse.