The 3 Types Of Friends Your Marriage Needs In Order To Thrive
The 3 Types Of Friends Your Marriage Needs In Order To Thrive
By Bradley Bennett
The community that surrounds you and your spouse will play a major role in how your marriage develops. One of the most important things Amanda and I came to understand early on in our marriage was the amazing impact our friends would have on our union.
Because of this, we must be careful about the community we allow around our marriage.
The reason for this is simple… if we get our friends right, then the right friends will set our marriage up for success in most major areas of our lives that matter.
The flip side is also true, though, and if we get our friends wrong then it will set our marriage up for more pain, frustration, and trials than I can possibly explain to you.
Your Friends Will Shape Your Future
There’s a key thought that I want to use as the foundation for this article. If you take only one thing away from this article, I pray it is this.
If you show me your friends, then I’ll show you your future.
Show me the friendships that you have created around your marriage than I can with a degree of certain show you the trajectory of your marriage.
This is no secret and the writer of the book of Proverbs, the wise king Solomon, wrote about this principle thousands of years ago.
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” ~Proverbs 13:20
Your friendships are that important. Who you walk with will greatly impact the direction of your marriage.
Researchers for years have backed this up by showing that most people are the average of their 5 closest friends. Some Harvard writers even say that your friends will dictate 95% of the success or failure in your life.
All of this and more applies to your marriage because the people surrounding it will have a similar impact on its success and failure. Your marriage will begin to reflect those of your closet friends.
So, if this is true, it leaves a very big question that needs to be answered… What are the kind of friends that we need around us that will push our marriage forward?
As I’ve walked through my marriage with Amanda, I’ve found 3 specific types of friends that have helped me love her in greater ways. Here’s the first.
Friends Ahead of You That Can Mentor You
None of us know it all and because of this, we need people who may be further along in their journey that can pour into us. They have knowledge, experience, or wisdom in a specific area that we are wanting to grow in.
These friends are not “better” than us but have simply arrived at a specific place in their journey first.
Having these people pouring into your marriage is critical because they can help you avoid costly mistakes and pitfalls as you walk together. Amanda and I have been blessed with some amazing mentors in our marriage that have helped give us wisdom in specific areas of our marriage like finances.
The way we budget, save, and give is a direct result of some dear friends in our lives. There’s a specific couple at our church who manage their money very well and have helped mentor us with our finances so that we can do the same.
Having this knowledge when Amanda and I were first married gave us a head start and has paid HUGE dividends so far.
Inviting these friends into your life requires you to seek them out and lay down your pride. You have to be teachable and admit you don’t know it all.
The moment Amanda and I decided to stop pretending like we knew it all was the moment we were able to ask couples around us to share their wisdom and advice with us.
Friends Behind You That You Can Pour Into
Just like we need friendships that are pouring into our marriage, we need to be pouring into other marriages, too. One of the most fulfilling things you can do as a marriage is to share with someone the wisdom, experience, and hindsight that you have gained in your life.
This doesn’t mean you are better than them, it just means that you have arrived at a place in life first. You may have gotten married first, went through a financial pitfall first, or experienced having children first.
Each of these seasons brings with them unique challenges and trials. Most marriages will go through them, and if you’ve already experienced these seasons, then you have valuable wisdom other marriages may need.
This is the main heart behind what Amanda and I do here at The Us Equation. We find so much fulfillment in helping others navigate parts of marriage that we’re navigating as well. We want to share any wisdom, hindsight, or experience that we have gained within our own marriage.
Doing this has brought so much life to our marriage. It’s helped for God to continue doing things in our marriage and through it.
Too often we ask ourselves, “what does God want to do in my marriage” when in reality we should be asking, “what does God want to do through it?”
Asking this question and then acting on it begins by pouring into friends that may not be as far along in their journey as we are.
Friends Beside You Who Can Support Your Marriage
Your marriage needs cheerleaders, not critics.
It desperately needs people who will encourage you to throw everything you have into loving each other long before they encourage you to throw in the towel.
If there is one truth that I can assure you of it’s that hard times will come. There will be difficult seasons in your marriage and when they come you will need friends around you who will support your union as you navigate them.
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” ~Proverbs 17:17
These friends are our brothers and sisters that link arms with us when we are struggling. They refuse to let us break by lifting us up in prayer. No matter what the season is like, they are standing with us helping us to continue moving forward.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” ~Ecclesiastes 4:12
Early in our marriage, Amanda and I experienced a tough season when I, out of the blue, lost my job the week we returned from our honeymoon. One day things were perfect… and then the next day our income was cut in half and things seemed to be crumbling.
During that season we had friends that encouraged us, provided support, and helped us turn towards each other and not away.
We all desperately need those people in our life when adversity eventually hits… because it will.
Surround Your Marriage With The Right Types of Friends
The friends that surround your marriage will play a huge role in shaping it. They will be more influential than you may ever know.
Your marriage was designed to operate in the context of a community because it needs others. When stepping into a community, though, you need to be intentional about who you are allowing to surround your marriage.
My friend, I encourage you to find cheerleaders, not critics. I pray you will find people who will lovingly give you wisdom from their experience, and that you will find others that you can help along, too.
If you do this, then your marriage will be surrounded by friendships that will propel it towards fulfillment. Your community will push you closer together instead of pulling you apart.