The Fruit Of Oneness (Becoming One: Part 3)
The Fruit Of Oneness (Becoming One: Part 3)
By Bradley Bennett
Genesis 1:28 – “God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number…”
Your marriage was created to be more than functional, it was created to be fruitful. To bear good fruit that is desirable, pleasing, and life-giving.
We see this original intent on the first page of the Bible when God commissions the first marriage to go out and be fruitful.
Becoming one in your marriage will naturally lead to a marriage that produces good fruit. This is why Amanda and I prioritize focusing on the foundation of our marriage over the fruit.
Because we know that a marriage with a good foundation will naturally bear good fruit.
Do you desire a marriage that produces good fruit? Living out that Godly commission starts with an honest look at the foundation of your marriage. And there is no more fruitful foundation than biblical oneness centered on Christ.
I really do believe it is as simple as this… when we pursue becoming one, we produce good fruit. I know it may seem counter-intuitive, but let’s explore how this works in the life of a marriage.
The Fruit Of Oneness… The Fruit Of The Spirit
In my last article, The Fight For Oneness, I shared how pursuing oneness in marriage is not a walk in the park. It’s a fight. And it is a fight that we can not win in our own power.
Fighting to become one and experience oneness in your marriage will require the empowerment and gifting of the Holy Spirit in you and your spouse.
I found this out the hard way. It didn’t take long after saying, “I do”, for me to realize that I am weak and unable to serve, love, and give of myself as Christ called me to for long.
At my best in my own strength and power, I am little more than selfish, prideful, arrogant, and unloving. And upon these things, a foundation of oneness can not be built.
In order to build a foundation of oneness in our marriage, Amanda and I both have found we desperately need the renewing work of Christ and the empowerment of His Spirit to love like He has called us to.
It is this personal journey when joined with your spouse, that creates a fruitful marriage.
You see, a marriage bears good and better fruit when the people within it are shaped and formed into the increasing likeness of Christ.
When this is our reality, our marriage will begin to bear fruit consistent with the good fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 – “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Love
The work of the spirit in your marriage will bear a very specific kind of love. A love best described by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the early Christians in Corinth.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
This is not the love of the world, but rather is the love shown to us by Christ. A love not based on the action of our spouse, but based on our reaction to the love of Christ displayed forever on the cross.
Joy
The fruit of joy is not the same as being happy. This is because happiness is temporary and fleeting, it is based on circumstances and dependent on the actions of others. Joy is different.
Joy is the choice to find goodness in spite of our circumstances. And a marriage pursuing oneness together can continually find goodness in two places, the presence of their spouse and the presence of God.
Psalm 21:6 proclaims — “You make Him glad with the joy of your presence.”
The presence of our spouse is a gift that we can continually see goodness in, even in the midst of the darkest of circumstances. When you become one together, your mere presence can bring gladness to each other.
Peace
Spouses pursuing oneness are at peace with one another and are together at peace in the midst of the world. They operate with a peace that can only be given through Jesus and His perfect sacrifice on the cross.
For in Jesus they no longer have any barrier or division that is too great to be crossed. He is their unifying factor and their common ground. And in Him, they find a peace that nothing in the world can offer.
They live out the words of Paul in Colossians,
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” – Colossians 3:15
Patience
Familiarity often breeds contempt. Usually, the person it is the hardest to be patient with is the person you see the most… your spouse.
Marriages bearing the fruit of patience. though, respond to one another with mercy, grace, and love. There is room to be imperfect and to be human. Perfection is not the standard nor the requirement.
The fuse is long and the frustration is low. Not because of their ability, but because of their acknowledgment of their own shortcomings. They endure because they are constantly aware of how God loves them patiently with endurance.
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. – Psalm 86:15
They receive this love from Christ, are shaped by it, and are empowered to display it towards their spouse.
Kindness
Kindness is goodness that meets a need. A marriage bearing this fruit contains spouses who find ways to care for and love their partner according to their needs.
They lift each other up when they are down. They step into messy situations together and meet each other’s needs. They are servants, not masters. Givers, not takers. Considerate, not condescending.
They are quick to bend down and wash one another’s feet. To communicate value, care, and thoughtfulness in how they treat one another.
Ultimately laying down their lives for one another just as Christ laid down his life for us.
John 15:13 – Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
Goodness
Goodness is a reflection of God’s character that acts on the behalf of others.
The book of Micah asks us to,
“Do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with God.” — Micah 6:8
A marriage doing this will act justly towards one another. Not ruling over the other oppressively, but supporting and raising each other up to a place of strength.
They will love kindness and meeting each other’s needs selflessly.
And they will walk humbly with each other and with God. Casting off the pride that so easily brings division and pain. This allows them to live out the command of mutual submission to one another but ultimately to God and the head of their marriage.
Ephesians 5:21 — “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Faithfulness
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. – Lamentations 3:22-23
The fruit of faithfulness in a marriage founded on oneness is beautiful. There are few things that are more inspirational than a married couple that chooses to faithfully show steadfast love day after day over the course of a lifetime.
Choosing to show new mercies to one another. Choosing to never cease in their pursuit and service of one another. Continually assumint the identity and posture of a loving servant anew every morning as they honor one another.
They are consistent in character, speech, and actions. Creating a space where each other can operate with sure, solid footing.
This ongoing consistency is NOT within human power and ability. We may last a day, an hour, or a moment in our strength, but life-long faithfulness only comes from the natural overflow of a life continually empowered by the spirit.
Gentleness
A marriage bearing the fruit of gentleness will be marked by careful and considerate words. They will be gracious towards each other, and speak sweetly to one another, knowing that the heart is an easily wounded thing.
Being gentle means slowing down so you can act with wisdom and care. In the same way you would handle something fragile with great care, a gentle marriage handles one another. They consider their spouse’s thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, and wounds when dealing with them.
They seek to build up with their words and to actively communicate love with their tone and attention understanding the truth of Psalm 16:24.
Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24
Self-control
Self-control in its essence is consciously saying yes to something greater. It’s being intentional with my “No” so that I am free to say “Yes” to the thing that is most important.
In marriage, it can be incredibly difficult to operate in self-control. But a marriage pursuing oneness lays down the lesser things of the world so that they can say yes to becoming one. They say yes to love and to unity, and do so through the empowerment of the spirit that God has given them.
2 Timothy 1:7 — “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
They invite the Spirit of God in to give them strength to be measured in their actions so that they can love each other and ultimately Him well.