Learning To Face Seasons of Unknown Together
Learning To Face Seasons of Unknown Together
By Amanda Bennett
Bradley and I have stepped into a huge role. One that’s completely new to both of us. Recently, we announced that we will be planting and pastoring a new, life-giving church in our community.
As we’re entering this season we are finding that it’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. We don’t exactly know what the future will hold. It’s basically a big unknown mess of possibilities. But while we may not know exactly what the future holds for us, we know one thing for certain.
We will be standing united as we face it together.
Seasons of Unknown
Have you ever been in a season where you had more questions than answers? You may have an idea of where you want to end up, but have no idea how you are going to get there.
These seasons of unknown are bound to happen. Whether it is something to do with your job, or a family situation, or just a personal decision…. You are going to find that things can get unclear sometimes.
I’ve been learning through our own situation that these seasons don’t have to be a bad thing. They can actually be a spark that helps us stand united and grow closer together.
Bradley and I are committed to navigating this new season with unity and allowing it to affect us in a positive way when it can so easily be something that seeks to distance us.
Seasons of unknown have a tendency to do that, don’t they? To pull us apart. The fear, anxiety, and sheer weight of the stress can leave us breathless and turned from each other.
Whether you are going through a season of unknown right now or are about to enter one, I want you to know that your marriage can thrive in the middle of it. Sure, there will be hard days… I can’t and won’t deny that. The sun won’t always be shining and there will be storms. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn how to dance in the rain.
That’s my hope for your marriage and mine. Bradley and I believe that there are a few simple principles that will help us navigate these seasons of unknown together and dance when it starts to rain. It’s my prayer that they will do the same for your marriage, too.
Agree On Your Calling, Together
If you’ve ever been called by God to do something, you know it is an indescribable feeling. Even though it can be scary, you know that deep down it’s what you were created to do. I want to encourage you to lean into that, share it with your spouse, and get agreement on moving in that direction together.
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” ~Proverbs 16:9
I whole-heartedly believe that Brad has been called to ministry within the church. I have known it since we first started dating. I knew he wanted this to be a full-time focus for him and I support him 100%.
When this calling started turning into a reality for him, I knew that I was stepping into a call that God had also placed on my life as well.
At first, this was a hard thing for me to realize. I thought that God’s calling simply stopped with what He wanted to do in our marriage. Brad and I have started asking, instead, what does God want to do through our marriage?
After asking this question we both felt clarity around this next step. That God wanted to use our marriage to birth a life-giving church that will introduce others to Christ. In this season that may mean my role is to support my husband in whatever has been placed in his hands, regardless of what the future may look like.
Arriving at this point of agreement didn’t happen in a day. It was the result of days of praying and talking about what God was showing us. But having this pillar has given us strength as we continue to advance into this season together.
Don’t attack the person, attack the situation
No matter how united you are, there will still be frustrations that pop up… Especially when you are in a season of unknown.
Bradley and I have one rule that applies when we are frustrated, “We attack the situation, not the person.”
I’ve learned in marriage that when situations come up and your emotions start to get the better of you, it is important to take a step back and figure out what the actual issue is.
It’s so easy for Bradley or I to attack each other, pick at flaws, and point our frustration at one another.
We’ve found that all this does is put us on separate sides and fighting each other. It doesn’t help the situation at all!
Instead, we’ve decided to not pick away at each other, but to rather work as a team, standing hand-in-hand and pick away at the problem together.
This can only happen when we intentionally take a step back, take the target off our spouse, and put it on the situation.
You see, two is greater than one. That’s the beauty of marriage. We are on the same team and are able to stand with each other and fight through frustration together.
Take the easy days easy
I run. A lot.
Running has become a huge part of my life over the past 2 years. One thing that stuck with me from the beginning is a quote I saw while scrolling on Pinterest that said, ‘Take the easy days easy’.
At first, I laughed. “When is running easy”, I thought.
There is no such thing. Also, how many easy days do you have if you want to get in shape? I am used to putting in work day after day in order to see results. I wasn’t ready to let up, or rest until I saw them.
I started to think about how this applies to not only my running journey but also my marital journey.
You see, the rest days are a crucial part of helping us conquer the hard days.
When you train for a race, if you neglect the rest days you are more likely to be injured. You over train your body and it’s not able to go as hard as it can when you need it to.
The same goes for seasons of unknown, which can feel like a marathon. When we are going through these times, we need to understand that there will be days where we will need to sprint. We will be exhausted laying on the couch debating whether dinner is worth getting off the couch for.
Then there will be days set aside for rest. On those days, you need to do just that. REST.
If you are always going and pouring yourself out and never taking time for yourself or your marriage you will not finish your race strong. The unknown future and the anxious thoughts will start to creep in and you will not have enough in your tank to continue. This can lead to ‘injury’ in your marriage. You become disconnected from each other or you start to isolate yourself.
Making sure you take time for your marriage and unplug when you need to unplug and recharge by doing what you love is so important. This will not only reset your focus on each other but it will recharge your energy and prepare you to keep moving forward in this season.
Stand United Despite The Unknown
Seasons of unknown don’t have to be a negative thing for your marriage. It can be a spark that brings you closer together.
Your marriage was created to bring support during times when life seems crazy. Agree on your calling in these seasons, attack situations, not each other, and take the easy days easy.
These principles are helping us stand united in the face of our season of unknown, and my hope is that it will help you as you face yours, too.