How To “Own” Your Marriage and Live Powerfully
How To "Own" Your Marriage and Live Powerfully
By Bradley Bennett
Amanda and I just recently celebrated our two-year anniversary together. Over the past two years, we’ve learned several things that have helped us draw closer to each other.
We’ve also found that walking powerfully in marriage requires various elements. The biggest of those elements, though, is the idea of ownership.
When you decide to “own” your marriage, it can take things to the next level. You are able to dig deeper than you thought and walk with intentional steps that take you closer to each other and your purpose.
You see, there is a difference between being in a marriage and “owning” your marriage. One is passive and reacts to what is happening around it while the other is active and dictates what happens.
If you are interested in how you can “own” your marriage together, then it starts with three specific areas.
Own The Vision
What is the vision for your marriage? What is the purpose of it?
These may seem like strange questions to ask, but how you answer them will play a huge role in how your marriage develops. Your answers, whether you are conscious of them or not, will dictate your actions and behavior within your marriage.
For many couples, the vision for their marriage resembles a mashup between the American Dream and a Disney movie. To get married, have a wonderful wedding celebration, and then simply live happily ever after in their suburban house with 2.5 kids.
This dream isn’t necessarily bad, there is nothing wrong with a vision for a happy life, but I believe there is something more. Personally, I believe the purpose of biblical marriage is to become one with our spouse and to ultimately glorify God.
“and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” ~Mark 10:8
This is a big vision that can completely transform your marriage. But it’s something that you and your spouse must own together. You have to be in agreement about the vision so you both can buy in and step towards it together.
I can’t stress to you how important this is. This past year Amanda and I were called to help plant a church in our city of Jacksonville. When this opportunity came up, we were both able to accept it fully, knowing the level of sacrifice it would require from us.
The only reason we were able to do this with unity was that we had both chosen to own the vision of our marriage not being about us but, instead, God’s glory.
Own The Imperfections
“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” ~Romans 3:23
It’s no secret that Amanda and I do not have a perfect marriage. Spend an hour with us and our imperfections will become blatantly obvious.
My bet is that you and your spouse are not perfect, either. This is not a surprise, yet we all try to act like it’s not a reality.
I’ve spent time with couple after couple that tries to pretend like the imperfections in their marriage don’t exist. I know for myself that it’s often easier to ignore my imperfections than have to actually face them!
This past year Amanda and I decided to no longer ignore our imperfections but, instead, own them. We both knew what they were, but we rarely addressed them.
Our goal in doing this was to fully understand our imperfections and open a dialogue about them.
Surprisingly, this felt good. Admitting to each other that we were not perfect and talking about the imperfections (in a healthy way) allowed us to get everything on the table. Taking ownership for these imperfections helped us pinpoint what we needed to do.
Now that we had a target and knew what our imperfections were, we then had to own something else….
Own The Work
There is no getting around the fact that marriage takes work. As Jimmy Evans puts it,
“The success level of your marriage will be the direct result of the work you put into it.”
If you desire a healthy, fulfilling marriage, then you have to own the responsibility to do the work needed to actually have one. This is easier said than done.
You have to work at it.
I’ve talked with people would say this makes marriage unromantic and that you shouldn’t have to work at love.
My friend, this could not be further from the truth. True love is understanding that your spouse is not perfect and choosing to work at it still.
By choosing to Own The Work, you are saying that you are willing to do what’s needed to love your spouse well in spite of their imperfections and see the vision of your marriage fulfilled.
Owning the work means that you have counted the cost and are willing to do what is needed. When two spouses have agreed to own the work needed within their marriage, then there is little that can stop them from experiencing a powerful life together.
Choosing Ownership Over Complacency
It’s easy to be complacent in marriage and just allow things to come at you. But I believe there is more for you than that. Your marriage was created to be active and powerfully advancing towards God’s purposes.
Amanda and I have found that a key to doing this in our marriage has been taking ownership in these areas of our marriage.
Ownership is the key that unlocks a lot of the potential lying latent within your marriage. I believe that you and your spouse were brought together for a grand purpose. God has planted so much within your marriage and He desires to use it for His glory.
He’s just waiting for you to take ownership of it.
Will you choose to step into that calling and “Own” your marriage?