Making Time For Each Other When We Have No Time
Making Time For Each Other When You Have No Time
By Amanda Bennett
Are you so busy it feels like you can barely keep your head above water?
Our world is in a constant state of busyness and everyone has their schedule packed to the brim. Our task lists are growing longer while the time we have to complete it is getting shorter. Let’s face it, we’re all busy.
So, how does all of this impact our marriage? In the seasons of life where we can feel the everyday tasks, birthday parties, meetings, lunch dates, etc building up how do we stay connected and still make sure to have ‘us’ time?
Brad and I have have felt this struggle in our own marriage. It’s so easy for us to get tunnel-visioned on what we have to do that we push our time together to the side.
We’re far from perfect in this area of our marriage, but here are 4 things we’re doing to make time for each other when it feels like we don’t have time.
Weekly Date Nights
One way Brad and I have made sure to keep the ‘us’ in our busy schedule is to always schedule a date night. Weekly. It’s the first thing on our schedule each month and the last thing to ever come off.
When life gets busiest it’s vital that we carve out a night to just be with our spouse. This time is important to reconnect with each other and disconnect from everything else. It provides us the opportunity to romance and intentional pursue each other in fun ways!
It’s so easy to get home from work, cook dinner, watch TV and go to bed every night. We get into this routine where we treat our spouse almost like a roommate. You are going through the motions with your marriage on auto pilot.
It’s impossible to have a fulfilling marriage that’s on auto pilot. Connection with each other requires us to put our hands on the wheel and drive with intentionality. Scheduling a weekly date night is a simple way for us to do this.
Plus, in the midst of all of our busy schedules it is something to look forward to! Get that date night on the calendar in the beginning of the week so when you are both going to that meeting you’ve been dreading you know that there is something fun to look forward to!
Schedule Sex
Now, I’m pretty sure we’ve all had the struggle of being to tired to initiate sex with our spouse. It’s a normal thing, but the problem comes when your schedule is consistently keeping you both from being intimate.
Living in a constant state of busyness is exhausting. We work all day, get home late, and all we want to do is decompress with our favorite Netflix show. I get it.
However, in order to make sure we are investing in our marriage we need to invest in the sexual side of this as well.
I’m not saying that you need to schedule out when you will have sex each time. That would be crazy. However, it is important to set time aside before hand so that you both know what to expect.
You see, if you don’t schedule your sex first, your schedule will always come first.
Brad and I have found this allows us to conserve some of our energy, mentally and physically, so we can be together.
Someone once told me the 80-20 rule. You only want to give 80% of your energy level to your day to day work tasks and leave 20% of your energy for when you come home. This way you are not drained with nothing left to give the moment you walk into your house.
We never want to become so busy that we constantly ignore one of the greatest gifts God has given us in marriage.
Run Errands Together
This is something that I desire A LOT. My love language is acts of service and quality time. So what better way to hit both of those then running errands and getting stuff done TOGETHER.
When we are the busiest I find myself asking Brad to tag along to run errands with me that need to get done.
Usually this means going grocery shopping with me. We go to the store, stay together, come home and unpack. Not only does this check something off our schedule but we get to spend time together.
When we get busy and feel like there is no time for each other you may have to get creative. Instead of looking at your errands as a headache and something you don’t want to do by yourself, make it into something you can do together.
Whether that means grocery shopping, getting your oil changed, or simply running around town. If you do it together your dreaded to-do list seems that much more enjoyable.
Learn to say NO And Create Margin
One thing that I’m always working on is saying NO. It’s kind of a funny thing because I always thought saying no was a bad thing and if you said no to someone that you were being selfish.
I’m slowly learning that it is selfish. However, we all need to be selfish to protect the things that we prioritize, like the health of our marriage.
You see, when we say yes to something, we are actually saying no to other things at the same time.
For example, let’s say we get asked to volunteer at an event. We know that our schedule is already at capacity and that is the only night we have open at the house. If we say yes to the event, we are also saying no to having a night at the house with our spouse.
Saying no allows us to create the margin in our lives that we need in order to spend time together. Our world wears busyness like a badge of honor and you may feel weird saying no to something even though you have that time slot open. But, by saying no to busyness, you are saying yes to time with your spouse.
If we can find the power to say no to certain things and maintain margin in our schedule, we will be better able to prioritize our spouse.
Conclusion
Having a busy schedule doesn’t doom your marriage to stagnate in unfulfillment. it simply requires you to be intentional with your time. It’s all about prioritizing your marriage correctly and making sure you are making the sacrifices that need to be made.
When you take a step back and realize your to do list may not be as important as spending time with each other, you may start to make different choices as to how you spend your time.
Brad and I have realized that this season of our life is busy. However, we refuse to let it control us. Our hope is that you will refuse to let it control your marriage too!