5 Fun Ways To Encourage Your Spouse Today
5 Fun Ways To Encourage Your Spouse Today
By Bradley Bennett
I desire to speak life into Amanda every day God gives us together. Since the beginning, I’ve wanted our marriage to be a place where she has life spoken to her.
Why is this so important to me? As her husband, God has given my words a special position in her heart and I want to use that position to build her up instead of tearing her down.
Loving my wife well is the greatest responsibility in my life and I want to steward her heart well.
The primary way I try and do this is by using my words and actions to encourage her. Seeing the smile on her face when she knows I’m proud of her or so thankful for her is something I treasure.
The Power of Encouragement
When used correctly, encouragement is a powerful tool within our marriage. It helps our spouse reach their potential and strengthens the marriage union. In order for it to begin having these effects though, encouragement needs to be built into the daily DNA of our marriage. Hebrews 3:13 shares this truth with us:
“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
When I see this verse, I realize I have a long way to go. Despite my best intentions, I wish I was better at encouraging Amanda.
I often find it’s easier to say something out of frustration that’s not encouraging at all. If I’m being honest, this can seem like the more “natural” thing for me to do. It’s not like I have to try and be negative, it just happens!
Most people I talk to are in the same boat and they want to encourage their spouse. They have tried but find that it’s hard to do well. Many desire a marriage where life is spoken but don’t have a clear idea of where to start.
In order to help, Amanda and I thought it would be fun to share a few of the ways we seek to encourage each other in our lives. We pray this blesses you and gives you some ideas on how you can practically encourage your spouse today.
1. Write A Note And Leave It For Them To Find
This is a fun one Amanda and I try to do regularly. In a world of text messages and instant notifications, taking the time to write a handwritten note on nice paper communicates a lot. It communicates to your spouse that they’re worth the extra effort.
This is a good one to do more regularly because once you get the materials, it’s pretty easy to whip out a note and start writing!
The only setup you really need to is grab a pack of blank notes from the grocery store. When you’re looking for these, aim for the ones that are little nicer and have a bit of weight to them. This helps it to stand out and feel special. Go big or go home!
Next, you need to choose what to write. You don’t want it to be too long, but it needs to have substance. I’ll generally write something specific about Amanda that I appreciate and tell her how proud of her I am.
I’ve learned this is important for Amanda to hear, but it could be different for your spouse. The important thing is to be specific and personal, not general and cliche’. Don’t simply jot down that I love you a lot. Write a specific reason why you love them.
This can be as simple as they helped you with the dishes last night or something sappy like you love how they bring laughter into your life. When you pick something specific it means more and helps your spouse accept the encouragement.
Finally, place the note in a spot where they are bound to find it. Don’t say anything about it and just let them stumble upon it.
2. Pray With Them
Praying with your spouse is an amazing way to encourage them and it’s super easy to do! Unfortunately, what’s easy to do is also easy not to do. Life can get so busy that we can simply forget to do this.
If you see that your spouse is having a hard day, this is a great way to encourage them and let them know they are not alone. They’ll feel better and you’ll feel more united with them!
Start by letting them know that you can see something is bothering them and ask if there is anything you can pray for. Let them tell you the situation and simply listen.
Once you understand what’s going on, ask if you can pray for them right now. Don’t wait until later. Even if it feels awkward or you’re not comfortable with your ability to pray, do it anyways.
In the words of Shia Labeouf, “JUST DO IT!”.
Pray out loud for them and interject God into their situation. Keep it short, this can be just two sentences, but make it a big prayer. Have the faith to pray for the best possible outcome.
Partnering with your spouse in prayer encourages them by letting them know they’re not alone and that you’re supporting them. This lifts their spirits and bolsters their own faith.
3. Meet One Of Their “Love Needs”
Meeting a need is more involved, but is also the most effective in my opinion.
This is because each of us gives and receives love differently. Your spouse may really enjoy it when you clean the house and you may like it when they spend time with you without distractions.
In order to encourage your spouse in a way that’s extra special to them, you will need to understand their “love needs” and love languages. You can learn how to do this in our post here.
Once you’ve done all the prep work, you just need to take a look at their “needs cheat sheet” and fulfill one. Just as with the note, don’t mention it. Let them find it on their own so it’s a pleasant surprise!
I try and do this regularly with Amanda. She loves it when I support her with tasks around the house, especially with her fiercest enemy… The laundry. Every once in a while I’ll throw in a load of clothes just to say, “I love you!”
Even though it seems silly to me, she always notices and it makes her day better.
4. Plan An Impromptu Date Night
An impromptu date night is especially effective if your spouse hates making decisions or loves breaking routine.
It’s a fun way of getting some quality time in together and letting them know that you’ve been thinking about them. Taking care of the planning means they’re free to simply enjoy!
The date doesn’t have to be extravagant and can be as simple as going out to eat. Try and pick a place that they really enjoy, even if it’s not your absolute favorite. Remember, it’s a chance to encourage them and let them know you love them.
At dinner, put your phone away and ask about how they are doing. Put your full attention on them and hear about the things going on in their life. Amanda and I have found it fun to have “out-of-the-box” questions that we ask each other to be goofy.
That may not be your vibe, but brainstorm ways you can make it a fun time together.
Afterwards, you can get a Redbox movie or simply go home and enjoy married things…. 😉
5. Give Them A “Social Media Shout-Out”
I know we’ve all seen, and rolled our eyes at, a fair share of these. But when done well, they are an effective way to encourage our spouse by bragging about them.
The question then becomes, how do you do this well?
Here are a few guidelines to create an encouraging social media shout-out:
- Don’t make it super long. Be concise, but point to something specific they have done that you want to shout-out.
- Don’t get too personal or intimate. If you’re not sure, it may be better to write them a note. Too much warm fuzziness can be a bad thing.
- Act like you are talking to your friends in real life and telling them about something awesome your spouse did.
- Aim to make them feel like a superstar!
Once you’ve written the shout-out, all you need to do is find a cute picture of you both, tag them and then post it!
We all love looking great in front of others. Getting a shout-out is like a shot of confidence for your spouse. You may find your spouse holding their shoulders a little higher the next time you see your friends.
Always Seek To Encourage and Love
It’s easy for life to get in the way and for us to forget about encouraging our spouse regularly. We’re rarely told how important it is but our spouse will rise or fall in response to our encouragement or criticism.
Our words speak louder and our actions mean more than any others. We can use that power to either encourage and love or to tear down and push away.
Seek to support and encourage your spouse “while it’s still called today”. Choose one of these five ideas and commit to making it happen.
Don’t let this become a one-time thing. Just like Hebrews 3 directs, find ways to daily encourage your spouse and speak life into them. When you do this it lets your spouse know they always have you in their corner and it unlocks the true power of encouragement.
The result? A refreshing marriage where you are both speaking life to each other and know you’re never alone in this crazy world.