Appreciation: The Secret Of Truly Loving Your Marriage

Appreciation: The Secret Of Truly Loving Your Marriage

Bradley Headshot

By Bradley Bennett

Appreciation is one of the most powerful ways to foster love within your marriage and battle a world constantly telling you that your relationship and spouse are not enough.

In this world filled with comparison, it’s easy to feel like your marriage isn’t enough. From social media to movies you are constantly aware of what your marriage or spouse are lacking. This constant barrage can quickly lead anyone to unsatisfaction.

The thing is, your spouse is one of God’s most obvious blessings in your life and your marriage was designed to be a beautiful union where you are fully satisfied. Appreciation is the secret that unlocks both those things in your life.

The Secret Behind Loving Your Marriage

The key to having a marriage you love is to simply learn to love the marriage you have. This may simple, but it is profound.

You see, it begins by choosing to operate with appreciation. To become a lover of the quirks, the journey, and the dynamics of your marriage and spouse.

Amanda and I define appreciation in our life like this,

“To see, perceive, and act with thankfulness for God’s goodness in everything He has given me.”


God’s goodness is evident in almost every part of your marriage. This is especially true for your spouse, who is one of God’s most obvious blessings in your life.

The key is to be intentional to look for it. When you choose to see and perceive God’s goodness in the different parts of your marriage it will change the way you think about it. You will begin to see your marriage and spouse as a gift, not a ball and chain.

Appreciation doesn’t stop with seeing and perceiving God’s goodness, though. It is made complete by acting with thankfulness for His goodness. Doing this will transform the way you treat your spouse and marriage.

I find myself constantly in awe of the goodness of God I see through Amanda. I’m constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be married to such a strong, loving, and godly woman.

Operating with this filter helps me live with thankfulness for my marriage even when times can be tough. It’s renewed my mindset so that I love the marriage I have with Amanda.

You can love your marriage, too. It simply begins by learning how to appreciate what God has given you already. Here are two practical ways to begin developing appreciation today.

Fix Your Focus

The first part of gaining appreciation is to see and perceive the goodness of God within what He has given you.

Often, though, we choose to see and perceive the things that our marriage or spouse lack. Continually dwelling on these thing makes it impossible to live with appreciation. You will be focusing on the wrong things.

This is why you must learn to fix your focus. Choosing to focus on the things you are thankful for vs. the things that may be lacking.

This isn’t easy in a world so filled with comparison. Each day you’re most likely bombarded with social media posts, commercials, and interactions where you have to opportunity to compare your marriage. Giving into these opportunities and falling into comparison is a trap. It will leave you with a “The Grass Is Greener” mentality that will cause you to covet what others have.

You’ll focus on what you don’t have instead of seeing the goodness of God within what He has given you. You see, what you focus on will grow. Allow your perception of God’s goodness to grow by fixing your focus on what He has given you and not what is lacking through comparison.

Activate Appreciation By Showing Your Thankfulness

The next step of appreciation is acting with thankfulness for the goodness of God within what He has given.

Appreciation doesn’t stop with simply fixing your focus but by taking the next step to actually show the thankfulness you have. This is the secret sauce of appreciation.

Appreciation isn’t present if I am simply observing God’s goodness within Amanda. I only activate it once I show my thankfulness by serving her or loving her in specific ways with a heart of gratitude.

This is impossible if I’m constantly moving at a thousand miles an hour all the time. I’ve had to learn to slow down and build in the margin needed to activate appreciation. By saying no to other things I am able to say yes to my bride more regularly.

Once I’ve gained the needed margin, I generally show my thankfulness by meeting Amanda’s needs regularly. This often requires some level of sacrifice but is an easy way of communicating love to her.

What I’ve found is that it’s a natural overflow of my heart when I am taking the time to fix my focus on the right things. I am so thankful that I want to do something to show her.

Truly Love Your Marriage Through Appreciation

Appreciation is an amazing way of stoking your love for your spouse and marriage. In a world poisoned by comparison, it’s the antidote you need.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you begin to appreciate what you have, then you will begin to have more to appreciate. You will love your spouse better and the natural result of that is a more fulfilling and loving marriage.

My friend, I encourage you to see, perceive, and act with thankfulness for God’s goodness within everything He has given you. Put comparison to death within your marriage today and begin loving what you have.

I believe it will transform everything for you.