6 Ways Your Wife Quietly Desires To Be Served
6 Ways Your Wife Quietly Desires To Be Served
By Bradley and Amanda Bennett
This is the second part of a two-part series focusing on ways our spouse quietly desires to be served. Last week Bradley talked through ways husbands desire to be served. You can view that here.
Brad and I recently started working through what is means to “effectively serve” each other. It started with a desire to not go through the motions of service but, instead, to find the unique ways we can serve that communicate the most love to each other.
As we began to be open and honest about what we really desired from each other, we were blown away. What we had both assumed would be large, unrealistic requests were actually small acts of service that communicated big love!
The only reason we hadn’t realized this sooner was because we hadn’t taken the time to be open, vulnerable, and honest about what we truly desired. Instead, we’d been quietly desiring certain things and expecting the other to intuitively know what we wanted.
Our hope is that this 2-part series will help jump start a similar conversation within your marriage.
In order to help the guys, Brad and I want to share some of what we talked about. We’ll be sharing 6 ways most wives are quietly desiring to be served. I encourage you to pick out a few and begin serving your wife by putting them into practice.
For the wives, my hope is that you would read this and meditate on what it is you are quietly desiring from your husband. That you would understand that if you don’t communicate it to him, then there’s a good chance he may never know to serve you in those ways and the frustration will continue.
Ready to get started?
Give Her Your Attention
I’m not going to lie, I want to be noticed by Brad. I desire times where I’m the center of his attention and not playing second-fiddle to a game or an article he is reading.
It doesn’t have to be all the time, but setting some time to remove distractions and to focus 100% on me. I love spending time with him and when he does give me his full attention it makes me feel heard.
Guys, the attention you give is so important. The amount of attention you give to your wife will determine whether her love blossoms or withers.
Dr. John Gottman determined that successful marriages could be boiled down to one specific factor, they gave each other their attention. The more that each partner felt they had the other’s attention, the more loved they felt.
A great place to open space for distraction-free attention is at the dinner table. Brad and I are intentional to eat together and create a space where all other distractions are gone. The phones are off the table, the computers are tucked away, and the T.V. is off.
Knowing he prioritizes me daily makes me feel special and valued. It communicates so much to me.
Non-Sexual Touches
Alright guys, I’m going to let you in on a little secret here… Not every loving touch needs to be sexual. A lot of times, we actually prefer it when they aren’t! We like it when you affirm us with something as simple as a hug.
These types of touches are just another way you let us know that you love us.
Sometimes we just want to be held, or our back aches and a massage sounds like the greatest thing in the world. Being willing to affirm us through touch without the expectation of sex is comforting.
This can honestly be a hard thing for guys to practically understand how to do. The best way I can explain it is to imagine you are trying to tell your wife you love her without words.
This means doing things like:
- Holding her hand
- Giving her a back or foot rub
- Cuddling
- A random hug
- Footsies
Be Proactive
One of the things that shows me love is when Brad proactively does something for me without even mentioning or asking about it. This could be something as simple as folding some laundry or starting dinner. The key, though, is that he does it without me having to ask.
You see, when he only serves when I ask him to, it comes across little more than obedience. But when we does something proactively, I receive it as love. It’s romantic and communicates to me that he is thinking about me and how he can show me love!
I understand that he is studying me to see what I like and don’t like. That he is constantly looking for ways to show his love for me.
Who doesn’t like that?
Showcase Her Strengths
Husbands – our wives want to be adored by us. They want to know that we hold them as beautiful, special, and valuable. Even if they won’t say it, they want us to showcase them in front of others. To brag on them and to show others just how much we love them.
Recently, Amanda got some praise at work for the high marks the students in her class got on their yearly state tests. And as a teacher, she is often evaluated based on her student’s. This past year almost every single one of her kids did well on the test and he was ranked among the best teachers in the city!
When I learned this, I made sure to brag about it to everyone. I wanted to showcase how amazing my wife was! She is so humble that she would never tell a soul, so I made it my mission to tell everyone!
I ended up embarrassing her a bit, but I also know that it communicated how excited and proud of her I was.
Lead Spiritually
This may sound counter-intuitive, but one of the best ways we can serve well is by leading well.
The amount of men that I see today who are spiritually passive makes me sad. Being passive about our spiritual leadership is simply passing the responsibility to our wife. I’ve talked with too many wives who feel trapped by this and desperately desire for their husbands to step up.
We are called to be spiritual leaders in our family and be a source of spiritual strength and direction. I’m not saying our wives can’t lead in a spiritual way, but they desire for you to step into your calling as the one who sets the spiritual temperature in the home.
Leading spiritually starts with accepting the call to own our faith. To fall madly in love with Jesus and submit our lives to God. You see, we can only give what we have. Once we own our spiritual lives, we can then begin leading our family in a spiritual way.
One of the main needs your wife has is for you to pray with her. She wants to be connected on a spiritual level. When you pray with her, it shows that you are stepping up in this area and accepting the spiritual call God has put on you as a husband.
Your wife desires it, and until you begin serving by leading, she will continue to feel frustration.
Desire Effective Serving
I encourage you, don’t go through the motions when serving. Aim for “effective serving” where you are pinpointing your efforts on actions that will communicate big love to your spouse.
It begins with a conversation where you both share how you each desire to be served. You see, each of us desire to be served in a unique way that communicates value and love. Letting our spouse into this place of our heart is a selfless thing.
It gives them every opportunity to love us well, and sometimes that can be the hardest thing for us to accept. But that’s the ultimate beauty of marriage. It’s a relationship where we are both actively working to love each other in greater measure.
Husbands, I ask that you step up and begin serving your wife selflessly. That you study her and understand what makes her feel loved and valued. That you lay down your life and love her like Christ loved the Church.
Will you sacrifice some of your comfort to communicate love to her? For when you do, you will be closer to the fulfilling marriage you are both seeking after.